


Illuminated

by wewillalwaysenduphere



Series: Oh Lord, Heaven knows we belong way down below [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Afterlife, Ghost Dean Winchester, Ghost Sam Winchester, M/M, They're both dying that's the Major Character Death, roadtripping, they can't touch each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-08-14 02:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7995622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wewillalwaysenduphere/pseuds/wewillalwaysenduphere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Dean die. Unwilling to go without the other, they send their reapers away, just to find out they're both dead. So they go on a road trip through the country to find a reaper that will send them to heaven.</p><p>Being a ghost sucks on many levels, but not being able to touch each other anymore is by far the worst thing that comes with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Illuminated

**Author's Note:**

> Written for an anonymous request on tumblr.  
> Ask was: Can you please write a fic about ghost Sam and Dean, Where the two can't spend time apart, but they also can't touch each other. Break us. Pleaseee?  
> Lyrics are from the songs Flow and Right Before My Eyes by Cage The Elephant.
> 
> Enjoy :)

It wasn’t that much of a surprise they ended up as ghosts. Neither Dean nor Sam could go on into the next life  not knowing where the other was.

The hunt had been nothing special, really, but they should have known better. Just because they managed to defeat Lucifer, the Mother of All, monsters created before the earth even was, Cain, and god’s sister herself, they shouldn’t have thought some werewolves weren’t a big deal.

They had gotten sloppy, just this once, but it had been enough.

In the great scheme of things Dean had to say he was pretty disappointed by his way of going out. Killed by the devil himself, that would have been a story, or even by Amara, the crazy chick who was kinda obsessed with him and also the most powerful being in existence except for her brother.

And he had ended up with a slashed throat because of some werewolf bitch with pretty tits.

Sam’s death had been a little more heroic, he had faced off against the pack leader and his two sons, but in the end it had been the leader’s wife who had stabbed him, from behind and maybe not fair and square, but still. He was dead and she was alive.

“Not without my brother”, they told the reapers send for them.

 

It takes them a few hours to find each other, and the moment they realize they can hear and see each other is not as shocking as it should have been.

Yes, Dean hates himself for thinking it – but he’s happy Sam is just as dead as he is. No matter where he is, as long as his Sammy is with him, it can’t be that bad.

Sam seems to have a similar thought. He gives Dean a half-smile, “I thought I’d have to haunt your ass.”

Dean wiggles his eyebrows. “Yeah, I bet you would’ve.”

“Dude. We’re dead. Even now?”

Dean just shrugs, but he grins, and Sam understands him like no one else ever has – this is Dean’s way of letting him know he’s okay, he can deal with this.

And somehow, Sam is okay with this too. They saved the world more than once, they did their part. Bobby was dead, Charlie was dead, Pamela, Ellen, Joe, Ash…they had lost so many, and they were looking forward to going to heaven, to go there together and reunite with all of them.

Except they had sent their reapers away.

Dean bit his lip. Looks like even after their death they managed to fuck up majorly one more time.

 

The next few weeks consist of searching for reapers, for their door, anything to get them further, allow them to move on.

_Right before my eyes  
I saw the whole world lose control_

It’s them wandering empty streets at night, zapping themselves on top of skyscrapers, looking at the stars, trying to call out to Chuck, to Cas, to anyone, but no one answers.

_The whole world lost control  
Before my eyes_

It’s them hitchhiking whenever they can sneak in to a car or a truck, watching the landscape fly by, tramping from state to state with persons that don’t even know they’re there. It’s them looking at food they no longer need to eat, Dean pining when he sees the good top-shelf whiskey he never drank to save money, and now can’t touch anymore.

_I fell through the floor  
I couldn’t take this anymore_

But it’s not that what upsets them. Chasing something seemingly impossible to attain is what they’ve been doing since they were children. It’s the fact that they’re not corporeal anymore, and that doesn’t only mean no food or nothing to drink. They don’t crave that anymore.

The only thing they want to touch is each other, but Dean can’t put his arm around his baby brother anymore, Sam can’t rest his head on Dean’s chest anymore, they can’t even hold hands while walking down streets full of living people unable to see them.

_I can’t take this anymore  
It breaks my mind_

They’re not alone, but they’re not really together either. They start locking eyes constantly, walking with their heads toward another, afraid they might lose each other. They refuse to allow more than a few metres of space between them. They start walking closer and closer, until they sometimes bump each other – or would have, if they still had a body.

But they don’t, they travel from Washington DC to Virginia, North and South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, Oklahoma, and then they decide to go to Kansas, visit Lawrence, their mother’s grave.

_Holding dirty hands over the flames  
Getting pleasure from the pain_

They stand before her tombstone, not touching, although Sam’s shoulders shake with dry sobs, Dean just wants to wrap him up and hold him. But his eyes are so soft, it’s like a physical caress, and Sam’s upper lip twitches a little, the barest hint of a smile.

Dean holds up his hand, and Sam holds his against it, and despite the fact they can’t really feel the other, despite the fact there’s just cold wind against the palm of their hands instead of body warmth, they smile, knowing they were still here, still together. (all that mattered.)

They continue their trip through the country – at some point they had to find a reaper, right – so it’s Colorado, Wyoming, Idaho next, and finally, in Oregon, they meet a reaper harvesting the soul of an old man, but he just shakes his head at them.

They’re in the middle of nowhere, and they don’t know what to do, because after all these months, travelling, searching, holding on, the reaper refuses to take them with him.

_Softly screaming the pistol that you raised has spoken  
Golden needless names we take in vain_

Dean screams and throws stuff around for quite some time, while Sam sits down in the grass and stares at the sky, watches the sun go down. He doesn’t know when Dean calms down, but when he does, he says “Watch the stars with me”, and Dean does.

They sit outside some small town in Oregon, watching the stars come out, and Dean chuckles.

“We saved this world how often? And we still don’t get to go to heaven.”

“Maybe we don’t deserve it. I’ve got demon blood-“

“Stop it.” Dean sounds annoyed, holds up a hand to shut Sam up. “You’re probably the best person walking this earth, even dead.”

Sam smiles at him softly, and raises his hand to put it next to Dean’s, allows himself to pretend for a moment, imagines to feel how warm Dean is, his pulse beneath his skin, his firm muscles.

“I love you”, Dean whispers, and Sam stares, because this is the first time Dean said it without them having had sex before or one of them close to dying.

“I love you”, he gives back, and it feels so much more real, here, under the black sky with silver white stars, all alone, cut off from the world.

It’s three hours later and they’re still watching the sky when Dean proposes “We’ve never made it to the Grand Canyon. Wanna go?”

Sam just nods. But his smile is brighter than every star.

The next day they start travelling again, but this time it’s different. This time they don’t rush. They stop in cities, Sam drags Dean to museums with the argument that they don’t have to pay anymore. They go to the movies, a car exhibition somewhere in Nevada Dean wants to go, Sam doesn’t mind the detour.

When they finally arrive in Arizona the searing sun can’t touch them. They’re wearing jeans and three layers of shirts, but ghosts don’t sweat or freeze. So they make their way to the Grand Canyon, and standing in front of it, Sam smiles, smiles like he hasn’t been able to in years.

Dean looks over at him, and there’s something soft and tender growing in his chest that takes away years of pain and suffering.

He knows right there, right then, that Sam’s smile is his heaven, and that he’s exactly where he was always meant to be.

 

 _Way too long_  
_Hold on, hold on_  
_Dead and gone_  
_So long, hold on_

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos & Comments are always appreciated :)


End file.
